My Dark Vanessa by
Kate Elizabeth Russell
My rating:
3 of 5 stars
I didn't plan to read this next, but it caught my eye while I was going through my Paperwhite TBR pile.
Vanessa Wye is fifteen and attending boarding school when she gets caught in the web of her English teacher. Convinced that they're in love and he cares about her, she doesn't consider herself a victim. But in her thirties, when the world is full of accusations and allegations against abusers, she finds herself examining her affair...
This was a hard book to read and I kept pausing because Vanessa is so damn frustrating. I understand how easy it was for this predator to use, manipulate and groom his student while she's a teenager, but that she keeps protecting her abuser and romanticising their 'relationship' every chance she gets grated on my nerves. Mainly because she's very judgy and critical about the girls and women who are actually brave enough to speak out against their abusers.
Yet, in spite of how much this story pissed me off because of Vanessa's fucking attitude and Strane's despicable grooming, I couldn't stop reading. The writing is great, which made it hard to turn away from this trainwreck.
The story unravels in dual timelines, both in Vanessa's POV. One in her teens, when she's in the thick of things. The other in her thirties, when she's forced to confront the truth while still being in contact with Strane.
Vanessa sure made it hard to like her manipulative and awful ways, but realising that we're dealing with a woman who insists on ignoring the trauma she's still suffering from because she's convinced herself she's not a victim, makes it easier to understand what's really going on. She's suffering untreated PTSD and refuses to see what's right in front of her.
I have to admit that reading about how she stayed in touch and kept seeing the man who ruined her life really infuriated me. Also, the constant mention of
Lolita, a book I've purposely avoided for years, got a bit much.
Anyway, I'm glad I read it.
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